I used to be tough as nails! Seriously… The hell I would put MYSELF through in the gym just to see if I could! Or the 3hrs of cardio that I used to have to do to get my body into that kind of condition (we can talk about this rediculousness later) .
But these days it is chronic pain that I face on a day to day basis. The kind of pain that won’t leave for a single second…Sometimes I want to trade my body in for a different model… I think of the things I would be willing to suffer instead of this pain if I could trade! Ha! If only it worked like that! And Fibromyalgia pain is a funny thing I’ve discovered. There are days when it hurts so bad to touch my own skin!
If you haven’t ever had to deal with this type of pain it is very hard to explain… I know that there are SO many people out there who suffer every day in silence because no one has ever made them feel understood when it comes to their pain. It is so constant and never ending that it changes a personality!
It can be really tough on relationships…the people who love these people in pain just want them to be happy, feel joy and look at them the way that they used to… But the pain is a constant invader that never leaves. Imagine being out to a romantic dinner with your significant other while you have a gremlin on your shoulders hitting you in the head with a hammer (oh, not really hard, but constantly…. Over and over and over) it would be kind of like that… If gremlins were real of course. But my point is that it’s hard to stay focused and give your undivided attention to the people you love and it takes its toll. And that is if you even make it to dinner…by the time evening rolls around who knows how you will be feeling and plans get canceled way too often. Friends and family start feeling like you are just flaky and unreliable.
I am super lucky to have amazing people in my life! My support system is strong and I don’t know what I would have done with out some of these people. People who were always there no matter how bad it got. Thank you.
Some of the coping tools that work for me:
*meditation tracks that I have on my phone (short ones though because my attention span is not that long), these particular ones are sound technology that brings your brain instantly to a meditative frequency. http://www.project-meditation.org
*reading something that brings my thinking to a positive state helps a lot.
Attitudes of Gratitude: How to Give and Receive Joy Everyday of Your Life by M.J. Ryan
Is one of my favorites
Exercise used to be my meditation and my escape from it all…but now it almost seems like a luxury. I am so grateful that I am gaining strength and endurance each week. I am so grateful to be able to do some lunges without hanging on to someone’s hand. I am so grateful that I can walk on the treadmill for more than 20min without resting. I am so grateful to be out of bed!
BUT… Hold up there sister! Here’s where I get myself into trouble…I get feeling good and I am having a good day, a good week even… And I don’t know when enough is enough! I push myself too hard and end up back in that d@#m BED!!
Lol… All I know for sure is this…
I always remember this most important truth… God will never give us more than we can carry. So I MUST be strong enough for this or it never would have entered my life! Never give up… I may stop and rest for a minute but I WILL NEVER GIVE UP!