It was 22 months that I was on the ground… Meaning not working as a flight attendant for WestJet. That is how long it has taken for me to get to a place where I could actually do my job. This whole business of chronic pain and Fibromyalgia has been a slow road and for someone who likes to get to her goals as quickly and directly as possible… Well as you can imagine it hasn’t been pretty at times. There have been times when I have convinced myself that I just don’t need goals anymore…to avoid the frustration of the new way in which my body demands that I reach those goals…in a gentle and peaceful manner.
In the past there wasn’t much that was gentle and peaceful about me. I was aggressive, abrasive and didn’t care much about much. But somehow and somewhere that all changed for me…to the opposite end of the scale almost where I started to care more for others feelings than for my own wellbeing. I started stuffing how I really felt deep down inside so that I wouldn’t offend or hurt anyone’s feelings. Then I started to feel a little hurt when people didn’t just do the right thing when I provided them with the right opportunity. Instead often they would take advantage of my kindness. My own fault completely…I can’t expect people to know that I want or hope for anything different than what I ask for…even if it seems like the obvious right thing to do.
Here is where I give Thanks…I am good just the way that I am. I can’t keep torturing myself for not being the same person that I was before. I am happy that I am not that person…that I have finally learned to say no and to put myself first in my own life. To taking care of myself the way that my body demands that I do. That might just mean sleeping when I need to or eating what I need to. And I’m finally ready to set big goals again. The two major ones that I am set on for the next 6 months are…
1. Compete at CBBF Canadian Nationals in Figure on July 18 in Halifax, NS and present a winning physique to earn an IFBB Pro Card.
2. Be free of pain medication by August 1st. This includes finding a solution for the pain I feel instead of just managing it.
I have my work cut out for me…but I’m ready!
Life is good…Really good!
What are your goals for 2015? I would love to hear about them…